Dear Obi Wan,
I forgot to mention the likelihood of you suffering sleep apnoea. Yeah, you can pretty much expect that these things will be filled with things I forgot to say earlier, or I didn’t realise that I felt was important at the time, or, I don’t know, mostly forgot, probably.
The apnoea though, it’s likely to kick in about the age of puberty – actually, I have no idea if that’s true or not, I just wanted to make an X-Men/mutant connection – honestly, it may well be later – the important thing is that you’re aware of it, and it’s worth catching it early. I think it’s harder to cope with the machine and the accoutrements in the middle years – the later years, I think you get so exhausted that it matters less. And yes, it’s worth using the machine, it will help stress and blood pressure (if you get those issues) and decreases your chance of a heart attack.
The numbers that the specialist told me was 5%, with the implication that it was a lot – ironically, a different specialist told me that the operation I had on my nose only had a small 5% chance of going wrong. (Less for horribly wrong.)
Also, it pretty much precludes the career path of ‘Alcoholic’, but that’s not generally much of a career.
And yeah, you probably have a deviated septum, or you’ll do something in your youth to deviate it, and you’ll probably need an operation to correct it. These are not fun, but they could be a lot worse – I think you might have managed to get my offset jaw too…
The point is, forewarned is forearmed, and if you can, get these things sorted out early, whilst you still have the youthful vigour to bounce back quickly. Hopefully you’ll be a bit more sensible than I, and not put these things off.
Enjoy your sleep – the Poe quote is a misquote – sleep is glorious, just ask anyone who doesn’t do it very well.
I also hope you don’t have an innate dislike of doctors and medical facilities. I’m going to do my best to limit that – but I’ll have to overcome my own, slightly irrational, dislike. I feel like I’ve just kind of left this bit hanging – but I worry that if I explain why, it will in turn encourage your own dislike, and that seems counterproductive.
Maybe another time?
One other thing: you’ll probably like fire. This is a Good Thing (also, you should totally read ‘1066 And All That’, just as long as it’s under control. Hmmm, one day I’ll explain how control is always an illusion, and will confuse you about this advice, but you’re a smart cookie, you’ll figure it out.
Fire is pretty amazing, in its consuming, dancing destruction – I look forward to when we get to burn stuff together, and I pre-emptively lament it if we don’t get the opportunity. And you know, you’ll basically be living in the future, so maybe they’ll invent something that will let you set fire to things with your mind.
Things… who am I kidding? People.
People are stupid – you’re already learning that and you’re not even two. That’s not going to change – all you can do is try and limit their influence, and try not to be one of them. And lament the fact that it’s illegal to set them on fire.